"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it." -- George C. Scott

Alive & Well Archives

September 2001

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."

"There will be answers. Let it be."

                                    -The Beatles

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TODAY'S TOPIC:  Direct Your Focus and Find Empowering Meanings

What are you focusing on right now? What you focus on, you become.

Yesterday, I returned from a two week trip to Hawaii for a Tony Robbins personal growth seminar. While I was there, the terrorist attacks took place. There were 2,000 of us from 80 countries at this seminar. While all of us had the common emotion of shock when we found out about the attacks, we proceeded to feel different emotions as we processed what had happened.  Some people got angry. Others got depressed and sad. Others felt enormous gratitude for being alive and for knowing their families were safe.  

Why did we have different emotional reactions? The answer -- we focused on different things and we came up with different meanings for what happened.  Some people focused on the images of the airplane, and they gave it a meaning that Americans are no longer safe. Many of these people became angry. Other people pictured the children who lost their parents, and they created a meaning that these kids’ lives were wrecked. These people got angry, depressed or sad. Other people focused on their own families, and they felt grateful their families were safe.  While saddened and shocked by what happened, these people stayed positive.

At the seminar, we went through an exercise of looking at what we initially focused on. Once we realized what we focused on, we all were able to understand our initial emotions better.  After this exercise, we all felt positive, and we focused on finding empowering meanings from the events. We focused on sending love to those affected and on actions we can take to make things better. We also focused on how we can become stronger from this – stronger ourselves, stronger as a nation and stronger as human beings.

Let me give you a specific example. At the seminar, there was a woman from New York City.  Shortly after the attack, she received a call in Hawaii from her fiancé. He called her from the 105th floor of the World Trade Center.  He knew the building was collapsing and he was about to die. He called to tell her he loved her.

This woman was obviously in pain, and she was grieving. But she focused on the fact that everything happens for a reason, and she came up with a very empowering meaning. When asked what she learned from this, she said, “To love fully in the moment, to play full-out in life and to not hold back for fear of getting hurt.” This same woman also worked in the World Trade Center, and she lost her entire office and co-workers. Yet, she was at peace. This doesn’t mean she wasn’t (and still isn’t) grieving and sad.  But she’s directing what she’s focusing on, and she’s found an empowering meaning that ultimately will make her stronger.

When I returned to Denver, I encountered people stuck in anger and depression. How can the woman from New York who lost her love and her co-workers be at peace, while people not personally affected in Denver are angry? I believe it's because they are focusing on different things, and they are creating different meanings from the event.

If you want to have an outstanding quality of life, you must learn to direct what you focus on and find empowering meanings from events. Everything happens for a reason. The challenge is to learn from these happenings and find ways to use them to make you stronger and better. If you don’t, you will constantly feel like a victim, and you will feel overwhelmed and depressed. 

Pain, sorrow and grief are natural, and most people will feel these emotions. But my dear friends, you can’t live there. If you want to live an outstanding life, you must learn to become stronger from the situations you face. If you can take your biggest challenges and turn them into learning opportunities, you will have a much more blessed and positive life.  If you can say, “How can I use this situation to make me stronger?” rather than, “Why me God?,” you will grow tremendously and have a more rewarding life.

My intent is not to downplay the attacks here, but rather to show you how important it is to find empowering meanings and direct your focus. This was a horrible tragedy that we will always remember. It is truly shocking, and my heart goes out to our country and everyone affected by this. I believe it’s important to send love, support and peace to those who were personally affected. I also believe we must unite as a country and as a human race for peace. I also believe we need to learn from this and make ourselves stronger (not in the military sense). 

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Coaching Challenge

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How can you use this tragic event to make you and our country stronger?  Perhaps you can donate money. Perhaps you will start smiling at random strangers as you walk down the street.  Perhaps you will make your friends and family a bigger priority in your life, because you know life is precious. Perhaps you will make a commitment to start volunteering more frequently – not just on something related to the attacks, but on daily things, such as feeding the homeless or mentoring a child. Maybe you can organize a peace rally in your local area.