"Be brave enough to accept the help of others." -- Melba Colgrove, Harold H. Bloomfield, Peter McWilliams

Alive & Well Archives

July 2001

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  "We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support. Strength needs it far more."

                                                                    -Madame

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TODAY'S TOPIC: Asking for Help

Have you ever noticed how hard it can be to ask for help?  

I remembered that this week. Last Sunday, I went to the cemetery to visit my father’s grave.  My dad died almost three years ago, and I hadn’t been back to the cemetery since his funeral.  I had imagined I could go to the cemetery and immediately find his grave. Well guess what?  Many more graves have been added since he was buried. Also, I was upset and shaken the last time I was there, so I didn’t pay that much attention to where we buried him. Yet I figured I could easily find his grave.

I wandered around the cemetery for almost an hour looking at every tombstone I passed. I kept thinking I should ask for help, but I didn’t want to ask for help for two reasons. First, I *assumed* no one could help me, and I *assumed* there was no directory of where people are buried. Second, I was afraid I would be judged if I asked for help. I feared someone would think I was a bad daughter, since I hadn’t been to my dad’s grave in three years.

Finally, after wandering around for almost an hour, I felt so frustrated I decided to find help.  Sure enough, there was a caretaker, and he was able to look up my dad’s gravesite. It took the caretaker less than five minutes.

What’s the lesson for me? By asking for help, I was able to find the grave in less than five minutes. It had taken me almost an hour to do it on my own, and I still hadn’t found the grave.  I could have saved a lot of time and energy if I had just asked for help right from the start.  That’s my first lesson. Also, I learned a lesson about how my beliefs and assumptions can get in my way. I *assumed* no one could help me, but I obviously was wrong. I *believed* the caretaker would judge me for not knowing where my dad was buried. Guess what? The caretaker never said a word. He even drove me to the gravesite and not once did I feel judged. I allowed myself to waste time and energy because of my assumptions and beliefs!

I realized after this experience that I often don’t ask for help when I need it. After all, I’m a strong, confident, independent woman; I don’t need help. I’m in control and can handle things on my own. Wrong!

When I ask for help, things get done more quickly. I conserve energy, and I don’t get as frustrated. I grow as a person, and I also can focus on things that really need and deserve my attention. Often, others have a better answer or idea. By asking for help, I can get great ideas that I wouldn’t think of myself. So why don’t I ask for help more often? Simple...my pride and limiting beliefs get in the way.

How about you? Do you ask for help or do you try to handle everything yourself? If you don’t ask for help, ask yourself why. Do you think you can do things better than other people? Is your pride hurt by asking for help? Are you just so used to doing everything yourself that it doesn’t occur to you to ask for help? Do you think asking for help is a sign of weakness?

This week, give yourself a break and a gift...ask for help!

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Coaching Challenge

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This week, make a list of places/projects where you could use some help.  Maybe you need help with a large project at work, or you need help to reach your sales goals. Perhaps there are things you can delegate to someone else on your team, or perhaps you need an administrative assistant. Maybe you need help from a concierge service so you don’t have to spend your spare time running errands. Don’t forget: help can also come in the form of emotional support or coaching. Maybe you just need to ask a friend to help you by listening to you this week. Maybe another viewpoint is just what you need.

Once you make your list, ask for help!