"Opportunities are seldom labeled" -- Claude McDonald

Alive & Well Archives

January 2003

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  "To be happy, drop the words “if only” and substitute instead the words “next time"
                                                                -Smiley Blanton, M.D.

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TODAY'S TOPIC:  Regret

Have you ever wished you could change the past?  Have you ever felt regret and pain over your past decisions or behavior?  Do you ever use the words “if only?” 

Regret is something I’ve dealt with a lot lately.  You see, my 38-year-old sister died of diabetes complications three weeks ago on New Year’s Eve.  As soon as I found out, I immediately started thinking of all the things I wished I had done.  I started feeling tremendous guilt for all the things I hadn’t done and for things I had done.  Over the past three weeks, I’ve asked myself over and over again, “Why didn’t I listen to her more?  Why didn’t I stay patient with her?  Why didn’t I understand her more?  Why didn’t I spend more time with her?  Why…why…why…?”   Honestly, for weeks, I have buried myself under in regret, guilt and sorrow.

But you know what I’ve realized?  I can’t change the past.  No matter what I do, I can’t bring my sister back.  I will never get another chance with her.  It’s a waste of my energy to spend time regretting what I did and didn’t do.  I can’t change it. 

You know what I can do though?  I can learn from it.  I can learn from it, and apply my learning to other people in my life.  By learning from my past, I can make sure that I spend time and connect with those around me.  I can make sure I accept and love people unconditionally, especially my 12-year-old nephew.  I can make sure I remember what’s truly important in life.  I can honor my sister by making sure I do these things.

You see, regret just sucks away energy and leaves you feeling horrible.  However, if you use regret as a learning tool, regret can change your life.  Regret can empower you to live differently. 

So let me wrap this up and share with you what I’ve learned over the past few weeks regarding regret.

*** Don’t put yourself in a position where you’ll feel regret later.  *TODAY* …Live life fully.  Tell people close to you that you care about them.  Spend time with the people you love.  Take care of your mental and physical health.  Treat people with compassion and kindness.  Be the person you want to be.  Reach for your dreams.  Don’t wait, my friends.  DO IT NOW!  TODAY! 

If, God forbid, you end up in a situation where you do feel regret, do the following:

*** Be kind to yourself.  At any given time, all of us are doing the best we can.  Those of you who are overachievers always feel like you could have done more.  But the truth is, you did the best you could.  If you really could have done better, you would have done better!  So be kind with yourself.  Self-beatings don’t help when you’re already feeling regret.  Treat yourself with compassion and kindness.

*** Let go of the regret.  Regret doesn’t serve you.  You cannot change the past, so don’t let regret suck up your energy.  Learn from your mistakes.  Learn from your past, and behave differently in the future. 

So how about it?  Are you willing to learn from your past?  Are you willing to live your life so that you won’t feel regret in the future?

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Coaching Challenge

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Live your life today in a way that will make you proud in the future!  If you feel regret over anything, think about what you can learn from it.  How can you take your learning and move forward?