"Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is not" -- Anon

Alive & Well Archives

July 2005

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."                                                               

                                                                       - Hugh Downs

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TODAY'S TOPIC:  Break Your Pattern

Have you ever heard the phrase, “What you focus on you get?”  Have you noticed that when you focus on negative or bad things, you feel horrible?  At the same time, have you noticed how easily you can take control, break the pattern and shift your focus?

Let me give you an example.  Yesterday, my mom had major surgery.  As I waited with her before the surgery, I started to focus on what could go wrong.  I saw myself contacting people about her funeral.  I heard myself say she had died.  In other words, I focused on negative outcomes.  Guess what happened?  I burst into tears and felt horrible. 

You see, the brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something real.  So when you visualize something, your unconscious mind thinks it’s happening.  Your body and emotions will respond as if it’s happening right now.  So when I started to imagine what could go wrong in my mom’s surgery, I felt the intense emotions.  My body reacted as if it were truly happening at that moment, and I cried.

This only lasted for a couple of minutes.  You know why?  It lasted a very short time, because I broke my pattern!  I splashed water on my face.  Splashing water on my face immediately broke my pattern and shifted my focus.  When the water hit my face, I was forced to focus on it and on drying my face.  After I did that, I was fine.      

Let me give you another example.  Have you ever felt stressed and then heard someone tell a joke or do something to make you laugh?  When you laugh, it breaks your pattern.  Try arguing with someone while you laugh.  It’s not possible.  Instead, laughter shifts you focus away from the negative.       

So how can you break your pattern?  Here are some of my favorite ways:

• Go for a walk.  When I worked in corporate America, I would often use walks to break my pattern, shift my focus and decrease my stress level.  Yesterday, I also took a walk when my mom went into surgery.  My focus immediately went to noticing how great the sun felt, how vibrant things were, how beautiful the plants looked, etc.  Being outside, even for a few minutes, can eliminate negative emotions.
• Play with your pet.  I cannot feel upset or stress when I play with the dogs.  Even if the dogs are not nearby, I can break my pattern, smile and feel better just by thinking about them.  Focusing on your pet or a loved one is easy to do and can happen anywhere.
• Laugh.  As I said above, laughter breaks your pattern and immediately changes your focus.
• Help someone in need.  Sometimes when you connect with others and focus on others, your worries, concerns and stress can melt away or at least diminish.
• Talk with a stranger or a friend.  Have you ever felt grouchy and then talked to a random person, such as a store clerk?  Sometimes, just talking with someone about random things can break your pattern and shift your focus.
• Breathe.  Take a deep breath. 
• Smile.  It’s very difficult to feel negative emotions when you smile.

So how about it?  This month and on an on-going basis, focus on breaking your pattern when you get in a funk.  Breaking your pattern will shift your focus and help you live a more rewarding, empowered life.

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Coaching Challenge

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When you start to feel negative emotions, break your pattern and shift your focus.