"Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is not" -- Anon

Alive & Well Archives

December 2003

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  “To find the exact answer, one must first ask the exact question.”
                                                               - S. Tobin Webster

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TODAY'S TOPIC:  Ask Empowering Questions

Do you ask yourself questions that empower you and direct your focus in a positive way? 

Whether we realize it or not, we consistently ask ourselves questions.  Some of those questions are simple ones, such as, “What should I have for dinner tonight?”  Some of them are more serious and have the ability to change our lives, such as, “What else can I do to significantly increase my income?” 

Whether they are simple or more complex, questions direct our focus.  They have the ability to get us excited and drive us forward, or they can stop us dead in our tracks.  If we ask lousy questions, we get lousy answers.  Unfortunately, that’s what most of us do.  We ask disempowering questions that keep us stuck. 

Let me give you an example. Today, I talked with a client who is making a motivational CD.  She plans to have another voice on the CD, and she was trying to figure out whom to ask.  The question she was asking herself was, “Whom can I scam to do this?”  What a horrendous question!  The language -- scam -- is enough to stop anyone!  Do you think she felt excited to ask people to participate in her CD?  No way!  She does not want to “scam” anyone, so she was stuck.  In fact, before we talked, she hadn’t asked anyone yet.   

On our coaching call, she came up with a new question to empower her.  Her new question became, “Whom can I present this opportunity to?”  When she asked herself that question, she felt excited to ask someone to participate in her CD.  Before, she felt she was “scamming” someone.  With the new question, she felt she was giving someone an opportunity.  She asked a different question, and it completely changed her focus.  She went from being stuck to feeling excited.  In fact, she took immediate action and now has someone lined up to talk on her CD. 

When we ask empowering questions, we find a solution and direct our focus toward positive outcomes.  Let me give you another example.  A few months ago, I talked to a woman who started a new business last year.  The business was not where she wanted it, and she felt a little frustrated.  She said she kept asking herself, “What am I doing wrong?” 

That was not an empowering question!  It implies she did something wrong or somehow wasn’t good enough.  When she asked that question, her body felt heavy, and she felt even more frustrated.  That question also caused her brain to come up with disempowering answers, such as, “You’re not working hard enough.  Maybe this business won’t work.” 

I asked her to switch her question, so she can feel empowered.  Her new question became, "What can I do differently to increase my business” or “What else can I do to increase my business?”  By asking more empowering questions, she was able to formulate solutions and specific actions she could take.  She stopped focusing on what’s wrong and focused instead on what she could do.       

All she did was ask a different question.  But the result was very different.  This new question affected her focus and ultimately the actions she took. 

My friends, if you want to change the actions you take and what you focus on, change the questions you ask yourself.  Ask questions that empower you and put you in a positive space. 

Here are examples of positive, empowering questions:

** What is wonderful about this situation?

** What can I learn from this?

** What am I willing to do to change this situation?

** What can I be grateful for today?

** What actions can I take to achieve the results I want?

** How can I make this fun?

So give it a try.  The next time a situation comes up or you need to solve a problem, re-direct your focus and ask empowering questions!    

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Coaching Challenge

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Think of a situation where you are stuck.  Ask yourself questions such as those listed above to empower you and help move you forward.