"Self-knowledge is the beginning of self-improvement." -- Spanish Proverb

Alive & Well Archives

May 2002

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TODAY'S QUOTE:  “A man is what he thinks about all day long"

                                            -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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TODAY'S TOPIC:  Your Inner Voice

Do you talk to yourself?

If you’re like most people, you have a little voice in your head talking to you all the time. It may not speak out loud, but it talks to you all day long. Unfortunately, most of us have a little voice that doesn’t always say kind things.

That little voice can make us feel defeated, ugly, unworthy and just plain bad. It can also keep us stuck. Let me give you some examples of how that little, inner voice can keep us stuck, stop us in our tracks and make us feel inferior:

* Perhaps you want to take on a big new project or start your own business.  You may be excited and ready to do it. But that little voice may say, “You're not smart enough to run your own business. You can’t do it. You’ll never get any customers. You’ll fail.” Would those words inspire you to open your business or would they stop you?

* Perhaps you want to lose weight, but your little voice says, “You’ll never lose weight.” My little voice used to tell me I was fat every time I looked in the mirror. Do you think I felt attractive when I told myself I was fat every time I walked in front of a mirror? Of course not!

* Maybe you want to go for a promotion at work. The little voice may say, “You are not a leader. You can’t even motivate yourself. How will you motivate others?” That would make you want to run right out and go for it, wouldn’t it?

As you can see from these examples, our little voices can really disempower us. Would you allow your best friend or spouse to speak to you the way you speak to yourself? Would you stay friends with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself? No way! Yet, we say disempowering and often brutal things to ourselves all the time.

How do you think your mind and body react to the negative things you say to yourself? I don’t know for sure, but I imagine negativity weakens your mind and body. In fact, let me tell you about research that may give us a clue.  Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese researcher, studied the effects of ideas, words, prayers and music on water molecules. Among other things, he discovered that when negative thoughts and words were focused on the water, the water didn’t form crystals, and it displayed chaotic, fragmented and dirty structures. On the other hand, when love and appreciation were focused on the water, the water formed beautiful, clear crystals (for more information, see his book "The Messages From Water").

Let me give you another example. Dr. Emoto also identified the effects of negative words on rice. In a study, steamed rice was placed in two identical containers. Every day, the researcher said, "You fool" to one container of rice. After a few weeks, the rice in that container turned black and had a putrid stench. The researcher said, "Thank you" to the other container every day. The rice in that container turned a little yellow, but otherwise it was fine. In fact, it smelled so good the researchers wanted to use it for making Japanese rice wine. Both containers of rice were stored in the same area with the same temperatures and atmosphere. The only difference was the words spoken to the rice. Yet the results were drastically different.

If rice and water react to negative words and thoughts, how do we react?  Our bodies are made up of 60-70% water, so we must react. It stands to reason, then, that we should shower ourselves with kind, loving and appreciative words.

What if your spouse or best friend constantly said loving, supportive, appreciative words to you? Would that change how you feel? Would that change the actions you take in life? Absolutely! Even better, what if you constantly said supportive, loving, motivating things to yourself? Would that affect your experiences and feelings? You bet!

So how can we make that happen? First, pay attention to what your little inner voice says to you. For one week, merely pay attention and write down every negative thing you say to yourself. Awareness is key, so just observe. Don’t judge or criticize. Just notice every time you say anything negative or disempowering.

Next, catch yourself saying something disempowering and stop in your tracks.  For example, perhaps your thought is, “You’re fat and will always be fat.”  Ideally, you want to catch yourself before you even start to say something like this to yourself. But for now, catch yourself in the middle. If you do say the whole thing, catch yourself afterwards and say something positive such as, “You are beautiful.”

As part of the process, say empowering, positive and affirming things to yourself every day. You may even want to look at yourself in the mirror when you say them. Eventually, these kind words will replace the negative words you say to yourself.

Generally, this is not an overnight process. But with practice, you will stop saying brutal, disempowering things to yourself (or at least substantially decrease the number of times). Instead, you will say loving, kind, supportive things. Of course, it’s important to say loving, kind, supportive words to those around you too. After all, if rice and water are so drastically affected, then we are too!

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Coaching Challenge

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Follow the steps outlined above and start the process of talking nicely to yourself.